BLOGS BY ASHOK VASANDANI, MUMBAI, INDIA

EXPRESSING LOVE

A lot of learned people advise us, “If you Love someone, you must tell them before it is too late”. “If you love your parents, your spouse, your children – tell them that you love them before it is too late”

IS THAT REALLY SO?

DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TELL THEM, “THAT, YOU LOVE THEM.”

I DON’T THINK SO.

Few days back I received a clipping on WhatsApp. It was about Expressing Love. The Speaker was narrating following incident from his own life:

Quote:

“My Father was a very tough guy. Never spoke much. Whenever you spoke to him his reply would be in monosyllable – Loud and Snarling type. This is how he behaved even when I met him after a gap of a month or two. I would be enthusiastic and would be expecting a pleasant conversation.  But a simple question like, “how are you OR how is Mom” will generate a loud & snarling monosyllable reply “GOOD.” That’s all. In fact it would be so discouraging that I would be scared to ask any further questions.

Right from my childhood days, I always wanted to ask him one question. But could never ask him because of his nature. Once, when he picked me up from airport and we were driving back, I somehow gathered the courage and asked him, “Dad, how come you have never, never ever, told me that You Love Me.” He pulled up the car to side. There followed uneasy silence. I was real scared of his reaction and was avoiding looking at him. But finally when I did look at him, I was aghast with what I saw. He was crying. Tears rolling down his cheeks, his chin quivering. A tough man, a strong man, whom I had never seen even near crying, he was crying!!!

Finally he said, “Son, don’t you know that I love you???” “With tears in my eyes, I hugged him and told him, “Dad, I love you more than anything else.”

And then, the speaker concludes by his suggestion to audience :

“I was lucky, I clarified my childhood doubt with him. Because a few months later my father died. And I learnt the most important lesson of my life – “Say it, while You Can.”

Speaker continues: When you love your parents – tell them so, When you love your children – tell them so, When you love your spouse – tell him / her so, When you love your friends – tell them so, When you love anyone – tell them so, while you have time. Else it may be too late.”

Unquote

Really!!!, Is that really so?? Do you really need to tell all those whom you love, that you love them.

I DON’T THINK SO.

According to me, LOVE is an EMOTION. And you certainly do not need words to express your emotions.

In fact we all have observed throughout our lives, that whenever we are experiencing emotional moments, our words always fail us.

Let me explain:

ANGER is an emotion : Do you express your anger in words, “Hey listen, I am angry with you,” OR the anger gets displayed in your facial expressions, your body language, your aggressive stance, your shouting, your tone (not words) when you speak in Anger.

ANXIETY is an emotional state : Do you express it in words, “I am anxious,” OR it gets displayed in your behavior, doing things haphazardly, unnecessary haste,

FEAR is an emotion : When You come across face-to-face with an aggressive dog or any other animal, or a Thief trying to rob you at knife point, do you express your fear in words, “Oh!! I am afraid of you.” Obviously not. You either run away, or hit back or shout for help.

Similarly LOVE is an EMOTION. You don’t need to express it in words. Love simply gets expressed. And believe me, the opposite person definitely experiences your love for him or her. In fact if you need words to express it, then probably something is lacking in your love. Or maybe something is lacking in opposite person that he is not able to experience your love. And what is lacking in the opposite person is EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY.

This is exactly what happened between the son and father above. Son lacked emotional sensitivity and could never experience his father’s love for him. That is why he felt the need to ask his father, “How come you have never told me that you love me.”

That shook his father to the core and made him cry. If we further analyze the exact reason that made him cry – it was the pain associated with that question. His own son is questioning his love for him??

So, please believe, and firmly believe in the fact that, you definitely don’t need words to express your love for anyone. With little bit of sensitivity the opposite person will definitely experience it. When Animals (Your Pets) can sense your love, humans can definitely sense it.

In addition to emotional sensitivity, Your love also gets expressed in the way you SERVE the person you love. It is obvious, isn’t it? The person whom you love, you naturally serve him or her, out of love and affection.

Take for example the Love of a MOTHER for her child. Does she go on telling her child frequently, “I love you,” or her love for her child is displayed in her every action of serving every need of her child. She will know exactly what her child needs at any particular time and she will ensure that her child gets it. If it is food – she will serve him with food; if it is attention – she will pay attention to the child; if it is studies – she will help the child with studies.

Every time, in every moment she is serving her child. That is how she expresses her Love for her child.

Same is true for FATHER. He will do everything to provide for his child’s needs. He may do it silently, but he will definitely do it. If sometimes if is out of his reach and means, he will definitely try his best to serve his child’s needs.

This is true even for FRIENDS. You don’t go on telling your friends, “I love you.” Your love simply gets expressed. It gets displayed in the way you serve each other, support each other, act as emotional anchor for each other.

And this is true for every relation, every person you love. You don’t need to express it in words – SIMPLY SERVE them and with little bit of Sensitivity they will definitely experience your LOVE

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