MAKE
YOUR MARRIAGE – A CELBRATION FOR LIFE
A few years back a survey was
conducted by an organisation based in Western world which was reproduced by
Readers Digest here in India. Subject was “Courtesy” and criteria was “How
often citizens of a country say “Thank you or Sorry” to opposite person. India
rated as one of the last in this survey.
Subsequently Readers Digest, also carried
out the survey on same subject “Courtesy”. However, criteria this time was
different. Criteria was “How often the Children staying away from Parents, call
back their parents”. India rated on top of the list. Reason? Most of the
children, whether staying as nuclear family in same city or different state or
different country, responded that they call their mothers daily – at least once
in a day with some of them saying they call them 3 to 4 times in a day.
Some may argue that Indians are not
independent. They depend on their parents throughout their lives. Well, that is
not true, else Indians would not have shown the phenomenal progress in every
field they have worked in. In fact these are our Family-Values that inspire us
to remain rooted to our Families at the same time make independent valuable
contribution in the domain they work in.
Where the world celebrates Father’s
day, Mother’s day, Thanks giving day, once in a year, here in India every day
is Mother’s day, Father’s day and Thanks giving day, for us. We believe, -
“Real courtesy & care is towards our parents. When one discharges that
courtesy and care towards one’s parents, one’s courtesy towards others is
fulfilled automatically.
These are our Family Values, This
is our family bonding and tradition in India. Which is Very Strong and is
recognised, respected and appreciated world over.
However, in present scenario, our
values are getting influenced by western culture. We are seeing increasing number
of Family discords, Divorce cases, living-in relations etc. etc. I take comfort
in the fact that our Value System is quite strong and it is going to take long
long time, may be generations, to get eroded.
It
is with this backdrop that this article is written so as to bring awareness in
people, how they can live Happy Married Life and avoid such painful discords in
their lives.
Here in India, for us Lord Shri Ram
is our Ideal. Our Lord, who set an example for us, as to, how an ideal human
being needs to live his life based on Dharma (the righteousness). How a human
being needs to conduct his life as a King, as a Son, as a Brother, as a
Husband, as a Parent, with his Seniors, his Juniors, his Peers. A perfect way
of perfect living. That is why He is known as Purshottam (the superior most
human being)
Lord Rama had made following two
promises to His wife, Sitaji (Sita Mataji for us) – One, on the day He married
Her and the other immediately after His Rajya-Abhishek (Coronation as a King), on
His return after 14 years of exile in a forest:-
1)
On His marriage day He said to Sita
Mataji, “Although I am a king and am entitled to marry, more than one wife, but
I promise to You that You will be my only wife. I will never marry anyone
else.”
2) And
on His Coronation as King, He said to Sita Mataji, “Though no one is entitled
to sit on the Throne beside the king, but You as my wife and queen will always sit
beside me on the same throne.”
Which
meant Sita Mata enjoyed equal Powers, equal Status as that of Lord Shri Ram.
That also meant She will have equal powers in taking decisions for the state.
Which indirectly (or rather directly) meant that no decision will be taken
without consulting Her. Absolute Equality in everything.
“ONE
MARRIAGE” AND “EQUAL RIGHTS”
ESTABLISHED
BY LORD RAM
about
2 million years ago in Treta Yuga
Coming back to our lives in today’s
scenario:
–
We expect our wives to be like Sita Mataji, but do we ever consider developing
qualities of Shri Ram in ourselves
–
We expect our husbands to be like Shri Ram but do we ever consider developing
qualities of Sita Mataji in ourselves
THINK
ABOUT IT
A little introspection will open
our mind to the phenomenon that is known as ADJUSTMENT which is the key to Successful
& Happy married life that becomes a Celebration of life for us.
Before we discuss the aspect of
Adjustment, let us see, what are the Mantras
for Happy Married Life. All the Mantras are absolutely equally important
irrespective of the order in which they appear.
1.
You
can be happy only if you keep your spouse happy. Simple.
- That
means the man can be happy only if he keeps his wife happy – it is very
obvious, because an unhappy wife cannot keep her husband happy.
- And
wife can be happy only if she keeps her husband happy – again, very obvious,
because an unhappy husband cannot keep his wife happy.
a. But
then, issmey bahut saarey rodhe (Stones, Hurdles) aate hain, bahut saare:
b. Most
of the times these stones are thrown at the Husband. And who throws these
stones? Your own dear and loved ones – Mother, Sister, Brother, Relatives,
Friends.
c. And
the stone they throw at you is – “Yeh to Joru ka Ghulam ho gaya hai bas”. (He
has become a Slave of his Wife)’
d. Sometimes
they don’t realise that by taunting like this they are making life difficult
for their own Son, Brother, Relative and Friend
e. Sometimes
they say it seriously (mostly Mothers and Sisters), and sometimes they say it
jokingly (Brothers and Friends). I am just telling about the general
phenomenon. Exceptions are always there.
f. Friends
generally taunt jokingly because they miss their friend in their evening
parties.
2.
That
is where comes the need for Adjustment:
a. We
all know that Marriage is nothing but adjustment. That is what we tell our
children. “You will have to adjust”.
b. Both
have to Adjust to the needs and likings of each other
c. Husband
has to understand that a Girl has left her Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, all
her relatives, Child hood friends, for him, so he must devote his full
attention, care and time to her
d. Wife
also has to understand that once in a while her husband need to spend time with
his friends. Same is true for husband allowing his wife to spend time with her
friends.
e. Wife
– the newly wedded girl comes to the house of her husband, where everyone is
new to her. She will have to make efforts to develop lovely relations with them.
She will have to understand that it is she, who will have to adjust first with
new environment and new relations. She cannot force her own likes and wishes on
the entire household. It will take time before they realise the merits of her
likings and wishes and start adjusting to them
f. Out
of all the relations, case of mother-in-law & sister-in-law takes importance.
While it is Wife’s natural Desire to have control on her husband, his mother
and sister view it as losing control on their son/brother, to someone who is a
total stranger. For them it becomes a painful experience since they have enjoyed
total control on him for so many years. It becomes a power struggle for them.
g. For
Sister it is not much of a pain because she also gets married and has to handle
her own family, but for mother it is very painful.
h. Regarding
mother, she needs to understand that their Son’s wife is fully capable of
taking care of her son in terms of feeding him like mother, taking care of his
emotional needs like mother, protecting him from any danger as mother and
everything else that a mother does for her son. These are God Given abilities
in any Girls. So, Mother need not have any doubt about it.
i. IN ADDITION
to above, the Wife takes care of her husband’s Pride & Prestige : his Maan
& Samman. The smallest example can be, even for a trivial thing, she will
always say, “Unse pucchh ke batati hoon” (“let me ask him, I will get back to
you”). Not that she is not capable of taking decisions, but it is question of
creating her husband’s respect everywhere. It is just a small example, she does
so many things to take care of his Respect, Pride and Prestige
j. In
addition to mother, every member in the family will also have to understand
that a new girl has come into the household, they will have to give her space &
time for her to adjust, they will have to show patience and love and
accommodate her.
(It is like when you buy new mobile and request
the shopkeeper to transferring data from old to new mobile, first thing that he
tells you is, “do not touch anything till complete data transfer happens”.
Isn’t it? The new girl has come into your house with so much of data in her
brain. Give her some space, some time till data transfer takes place)
SO,
ADJUST, ADJUST, ADJUST & ADJUST. ADJUST WITH EVERY ONE AND EVERYTHING. A
very difficult thing to do.
I
have a different & Simple Mantra for you about Adjustment.
If you can implement it, You will have no problem in adjusting with anyone.
YOU NEED TO
ADJUST ONLY WITH YOUR OWN PERSONAL EGO
If you can
adjust with your own Ego, no problem remains that cannot be solved. All other
adjustments happen on their own without any major effort.
COMING TO NEXT POINT:
3. One
must realise that, Four people just
cannot go wrong in the couple’s life. Two – Mother and father of Boy and
Two – Mother and father of Girl. They may appear to be wrong in immediate
scenario but in the longer run these four people will always work out to be
correct. The reason being, Boy’s Parents will always want good for the boy and
Girl’s Parents will always want good for their daughter. Hence as far as Couple
is concerned, they will always work out correct in longer run – Provided the
couple is willing to adjust with their own individual egos and does not go
overboard in immediate scenario while dealing with each other’s parents.
(Spoiler
alert /exception to the rule - not for running your house see point 4 and not
for fights see point 5)
4. Girl should never run her home on
the basis of her mother’s wishes. Same is true for the boy, he should
also never run his home on the basis of his mother’s wishes.
It seems contradictory to above point, but it is not.
While your parents will always work out to be correct in the longer run, and
for that reason, you must consult them. But implementing their suggestion or
not is the decision you have to take on your own. Because you know intricacies
of your own family, your own home. Because ultimately you are responsible for
running your own home and it is you who will have to face the consequences of
implementing any suggestions. You cannot later-on go back and tell your parents
that it was their suggestion that you implemented. So take suggestion by all means, but implement it with your
knowledgeable wisdom.
5.
When you implement all these things
You will definitely live a Happy Married Life. But believe me, there is nothing
like – “once there lived a Prince and Princess, they got married and lived
happily thereafter.”
That
is not going to happen. There will be
fights between you two, there will be narazgi between you two. There will
be times when you will not talk to each other – may be for a day or two, or
week or two or for a month. This will definitely happen. In fact if it does not
happen, then there is definitely something wrong somewhere. So the fights &
narazgi must happen for a happy married life.
But
remember, whenever that happens, please solve it among yourselves. DO NOT bring
your fights to your parents or any third person.
Story of Bapu (Mahatama Gandhi) and
Ba (his wife Kasturba) –
Once
a reporter asked Bapu, “We have never heard any incident that you and Ba have
fought for any reason whatsoever. How do you both manage to live so happily. Bapu
called Ba and said, “Bring me a Fanus”, Ba asked, “just a fanus or a lighted
one”. It was day time, but Bapu said, “A lighted one”. Ba simply lighted the
fanus and brought it and kept it in the room near Bapu.” Reporter was amazed
and asked, “Bapu, is this the reason, that she obeys every command of yours,
that you both are living happily?” Bapu said, “it is not like that. Once you go
away, she will come and ask me, “Are you mad. Why did you ask me to bring
lighted lantern in the day time?” Bapu further said, “the secret is that we
have never fought in front of a third person”)
So
never fight in public or in front of a third person. And in relation of Husband
and wife, anyone else is a third person, irrespective of whether it is your
mother, father or anyone or even your own child. Everyone is a Third person.
As
mentioned earlier, your parents will prove to be correct in longer run though they
may appear wrong in immediate scenario. And when you go to them for their
advice for some fight among yourselves, they will themselves get upset at your
anguish and any suggestion given in anger & anguish is always short term.
It cannot correct itself over a period of time.
6.
Getting
your husband the respect he deserves among your relatives
is the responsibility of wife. And
getting your wife the respect she deserves among your relatives is the
responsibility of husband.
Men
must remember, your wife is the most important person in your life. And Women
must remember, your husband is the most important person in your life.
7.
When,
you are blessed with Children – Remember, it
is the responsibility of Wife to ensure that they respect their Father. This is
because, children spend most of the time with their mothers and it is mother’s
responsibility to inculcate basic values
in children and also respect for their Father
8.
All
decisions, that are concerning the family
should be taken jointly by consulting each other. There is no superiority here.
Like Ramji did by making Sita Mataji to sit on Throne beside Him. It is important
because ladies look at problems in totally different ways and men in different
ways. They say women have sixth sense. So, there should always be involvement
of both in important decisions that concern the whole family.
9.
And now I come to
a very interesting factor: Have a WOW
Factor in your lives. Have a WONDER Factor in your lives. Enjoy differences
with Passion. Enjoy disagreements with passion.
शादी,
-
ये
कहानी है "एजी सुनतेहो से लेकर – बहरे हो गए हो क्या" तक की | जब शुरू शुरू
के दिनों में वो हमें बुलाती थी "एजी सुनते हो", तो क्या अच्छा लगता था !
है ना ! वो टाइम पर सब कुछ एक WOW फैक्टर लगती थी| WOW!!!! और अब | "बहरे हो गए हो क्या?” हमें
इस्स्में भी WOW फैक्टर ढूंढना है | WOW, क्या स्टाइल में बहरा बोलती है, WOW क्या
वौइस मडुलेशन है, WOW क्या बगैर पॉज लिए बोल जाती है, WOW क्या Multi Tasking है –
खाना भी बना रही है और बहरा भी बोल रही है | WOW, WOW and WOW.
पहले
चाय के लिए आवाज़ देते थे तो क्या फटाफट ले आती थी - WOW. और अब ? चाय के लिए बोलो तो
सबसे पहले, "क्या समझते हो मुझे, मशीन हूँ क्या?" पर फिर धीरे धीरे चलके
आके चाय देती है | WOW उसकी भी उम्र हो गई है न, इस उम्र में भी क्या दिखती है,
WOW | WOW क्या Gracefully चलके आतीहै !!! WOW !, WOW !!, WOW!!!
इसी
तरह ये स्टोरी है "चलो आज लिंकिंग रोड जायेंगे" से लेकर "पागल हो गयी
है क्या ? मालूम है सेंट्रल से वेस्टर्न साइड जाने को कितनी तकलीफ होती है ? कितना
ट्रैफिक है ?" पहले तो मन में नैचुरली WOW आता था और अब कोशिश करनी पड़ेगी -
WOW क्या गुस्सा है, WOW सफ़ेद मूंछो में क्या दीखताहै ; WOW टखला हो गया है पर क्या
सूट करती है इस्को टखल | WOW ! WOW !! & WOW !!!
हरेक
चीज़ में Passion से WOW फैक्टर ढूंढेगे तो
लाइफ हर समय Celebration बन जाएगी
Just imagine, Our average life span
is approximately 70 years. We have lived anything between 20 years to 50, 60 years.
You calculate yourself for yourself. Some of us are already on bonus. How much
is the life remaining. How many years? 10, 20, 30 years? Let us say 20 years.
That is equivalent to 1040 weeks. That
is 1040 Weekends. Out of that also some Weekends you will have some commitments
which you cannot avoid. Let us say you are left with 500 Weekends. At least on
these Weekends, leave everything aside. Have a date with your spouse. Go out
for lunch or dinner with your spouse, your family. And please don’t take your
phones with you. If you are expecting some important call, take it by all means,
but at least don’t look at WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter etc. You have only 500 Lunches
or Dinners left that you can enjoy together. Please do not waste them on silly
things. So little time left. Enjoy. If you don’t, you will regret one day.
See
Wonder in this too - 500 SUNDAYS, 500 LUNCHES OR 500 DINNERS, TOGETHER WITH MY
SPOUSE – WOW. CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE TOGETHER
Youngsters
have more Sundays, Make the most of them – CELEBRATE every Sunday with WOW
Factor
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